THE thing about bad weather is that you want someone to blame.

“Thank you, God,” shouted Basil Fawlty, when life went wrong, but is it really fair to blame a deity for grey skies and heavy precipitation?

David Attenborough, for instance, blames man as the architect of climate change. He says research suggests melting Arctic ice has slowed the jet stream, causing the UK to have unseasonably cold and wet weather.

And there I was thinking climate change meant Yorkshire would have long hot summers, the Huddersfield Narrow Canal would become a tourist paradise of spas and water pleasure parks and the Pennine hills of Slawit and Marsden would be rich with vineyards and outdoor cafe society.

Not so, apparently. Well, not yet.

They’re even feeling it in Belgium where television weather forecasters have been asked to be more optimistic by theme park owners. Gloomy predictions, they say, could lose them a fortune.

Over here the school holidays haven’t started yet and they can be a nightmare even if the weather is good. Which is why, I suppose, forecasters on the internet are now being specific with their predictions.

Mums can check online, see a window of opportunity between two and four when there is no rain and take the kids to the park with a picnic.

“But mum, we don’t want to go to the park at two in the morning.”

“You can sleep this afternoon when it’s raining.”

It didn’t rain on St Swithin’s Day, of course, but I’m still not holding my breath for good weather.

The saint’s day was last Sunday which was surprisingly dry and may have kindled hope in the hearts of many that summer may yet occur.

“St Swithin’s day, if thou be fair, for 40 days it will rain no more.”

I think this possibility to be unlikely unless water companies take drastic action now. After all, those are the people I blame for all this rain.

In April, hosepipe bans were being slapped down willy nilly and apocalyptic warnings were being made about shortages. I was expecting water police to make unexpected raids on households to ensure no-one had more than two inches of water in their bath per family. Anyone wanting a shower would have to make an application in triplicate and be prepared to share it with a neighbour.

“You can have a shower on Wednesday at 9pm. Your companion will be Mrs Murgatroyd from number 46.”

Lucky Mrs Murgatroyd.

Back in the spring, water companies said they had no option but to put the bans in place to preserve essential supplies.

Anglian Water managing director Peter Simpson said: “Two dry winters have prevented rivers, reservoirs and aquifers from refilling with the water we treat and supply the rest of the year.’’

Sutton and East Surrey operations manager Mike Hegarty warned there was no end in sight to the situation: “We have said from the outset that we very much regret having to impose this ban but this drought is becoming increasingly serious,’’ he said.

Drought? What drought?

Thames Water sustainability director Richard Aylard said the ban could extend into the autumn “unless we have an unusually wet year.’’

Which was tempting fate and never mind St Swithin.

Since then there has been record breaking rainfall that has flooded everywhere, including rivers, reservoirs and homes.

So, for the sake of summer, what we need now is for those same water company officials to make a whole new set of outrageous statements. It’s not enough to just lift the hosepipe ban.

“We’re so flush with water, we could pour it down the sink.”

“Everyone is urged to leave their taps running so we can get supplies down to a level where we can panic.”

“Water shortage? Never in a million years.”

Then, when fate has been suitably tempted, we might just get a burst of extended good weather.