Denis: Resolving to avoid weight matters like New Year’s resolutions

DID you make a New Year’s resolution? Have you broken it yet?

The usual ones are stop smoking, lose weight, get fit, drink less. Wait, there’s more. Enjoy life, get organised, learn something new, help people, spend more time with the family and, the big one, get out of debt.

Ah, yes. If you could get out of debt a lot of the others wouldn't seem so difficult to achieve.

Mind you, I’ve heard of alternative resolutions such as the committed smoker who has resolved to get two friends to start this year.

Or the father who has decided to work with neglected children – his own. Or the teenager who has resolved to spend less than one hour a day on the internet. Fat chance.

I have adopted two resolutions – to buy my Lottery ticket from a luckier shop and to read the small print on all political manifestos before voting for anybody at the next election. Not that that will do any good.

On reflection, political parties don’t even stay true to the large print, never mind the small.

To many people, a new year’s resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other but there are those that are surely worth the perseverance.

Serious dieters, for instance, can use the tape measure belt to stay within limits. Those less serious can still impress friends and fool the critical by buying clothes in a bigger size so they hang off their body.

“Wow. Look at all the weight you’ve lost.”

If the reality gets too much you can always adjust your bathroom scales by a stone or, as last resort, you could try hiding any excess weight.

Perhaps in that spare pair of trousers you never wear?

Americans have it easier when it comes to losing weight.

As comedian Jay Leno says: “Now there are more overweight people in America than average weight people. So, overweight people are now average, which means you’ve already met your New Year’s resolution!”

When all is said and done, don’t feel too bad if you slip up. Mark Twain summed it up best when he said: “Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week, you can begin paving hell with them as usual.”