THE sort of heart-warming story of modern life that I appreciate happened in a Bristol nightclub.
A woman stole an iPhone and, in her attempt to get it to work, she took a photograph of herself and emailed it to the owner.
This was not the result of incompetence, but because the owner had fitted a safety device application that automatically snapped any unauthorised attempt to access the phone. I wonder if it comes with a voice saying: “Smile. You’re on Candid Camera.”
This is the sort of technology that is needed universally. A car thief might be deterred if there was the chance of a blow up policeman inflating in the passenger seat to tell him: “You’re nicked!” while the hazard lights flashed and a loudspeaker informed the world: “This car is stolen.”
And wouldn’t it be wonderful if someone attempting to steal a Christmas bike was abruptly ejected by a saddle that exploded upwards with compressed air at a rate of knots. Ooh, matron. That would make his eyes water.
The possibilities are endless. All it would need is a key pad fitted so that the owner can tap in a code. Wrong code and you take the consequences.
Of course, there could be a downside for those who can’t always remember their pin number.
“Back already? I thought you’d gone for a ride on your bike?”
“No. I think I’ll have a lie down instead. And have you got a bag of frozen peas?”