OMG Kate Middleton! I told you I couldn’t invite you to my wedding because there just aren’t any more spaces so what does she do to steal my limelight?

Arranged to have her baby on the same flippin’ day. Just childish if you ask me!

Why is everyone, including the national tabloids, obsessed with speculating about the sex of the royal baby? If the Duchess of Cambridge is seen eating a gherkin it’s a boy, if she wears a coat with a fleck of pink on then it’s a girl.

The royal couple are not going to tell us even if they know so why don’t you all shut up and wait like the rest of us.