IF you’re an experienced driver like me you’ll be familiar with the types of vehicles which cause the most bother on the road.
There are white vans driven by knuckleheads and modified junk-mobiles with bean can exhausts piloted ineptly by post-pubescent males who still live with their parents.
Then there are 4x4s driven by able-bodied wannabe wags who are adept at parking in disabled bays but hopeless at on-road, never mind off-road, driving.
And, of course, any motorway user will be familiar with the Audi driver.
In the noughties it was silver BMWs you’d find following you 50cm from your back bumper.
Now the aggressive little salesmen and middle-managers have switched from the marque with the blue propeller logo to black or white variants of the four-ringed brand.
I’ve devised a theory as to why certain brands of car are driven and parked so badly.
You might call my musings common sense – or nonsense – but here goes:
If you want something that gets you from A to B in anything more than relative comfort you are materialistic. If you’re materialistic you are more likely to be selfish. And if you’re selfish you’re likely to think you’re the only important person on the road and will therefore drive and park in an antisocial manner.
One model of car, however, doesn’t fit my theory – and that is the comparatively functional Volkswagen Golf Mark IV (pictured). Not Golfs Mark I to III or even the V and VI. Just the Mark IV. I have no idea what prevents the owners of these cars from driving and parking sensibly.
I once knew someone who drove a Golf Mark IV and he was a sociopath. Maybe Volkswagen accidentally created a shape that triggers a primal instinct found only in idiots.
Now there’s a theory you can’t dismiss as common sense.