Surveys are always a source of fun.
Pub chain Fayre and Square funded research to discover the secret of a happy home and came up with a list of 30 factors that ranged from “enjoying time together as a family” to having a garage.
A garage is a source of delight?
The average mum and dad rated their family’s happiness at eight out of 10.
Money was never mentioned.
“There is a myth,” said an expert, “that money can bring happiness – it is far from the truth.”
And yet in another survey, from 16 – 25 Railcard, that probed people’s regrets, four of the top six responses related to a lack of money.
Bizarrely, in a top 50 list of what people would do differently if they had the chance, number 40 was: Have children earlier; 41: Have children; 42: Have more children; 43: Have more one-night stands.
The range of answers takes your breath away. With laughter.
Results from surveys, rather than discovering some scientific insight into human behaviour, can sometimes prove that people are wonderfully daft.
For instance, 11% of those asked thought HTML (a term familiar with anyone who has a computer) was a sexually transmitted disease; 27% identified “gigabyte” as an insect commonly found in South America; 23% thought an “MP3” was a Star Wars robot, and 18% said “Blu-ray” was a marine animal.
And wait, there’s more. Would you credit that 27% of Americans believes god helps decide who wins sporting events?
Of course, you would. They’re Americans. Which is why 55% of them think they are smarter than the average fellow citizen.
Surveys and quizzes are dominant on social media for people to share with their friends, inviting them to waste 10 minutes of life in an attempt to discover which sandwich they are or which Harry Potter character is their doppelgänger.
Purely in the interests of unscientific research, I actually undertook a couple of these surveys, although I gave up on the one that asked if I did my homework on time and how many French fries I could I eat at one sitting.
However, I discovered the celebrity I most resemble is Michael Jackson which is strange, as I haven’t had cosmetic surgery and am not dead.
Another said my dominant trait was, wait for it, sensitivity, and a third that my inner child’s name was Funky Baby. I can only hope the next time I go to the pub nobody calls me Funky Baby and asks me to do the Moon Walk. After all, I’m so sensitive I might thump them.
Oh, and by the way, my Harry Potter character is Albus Dumbledore: “Not only are you incredibly intelligent, but you’re also really good at dishing out sage advice.
“You have a bit of an ambitious dark side, but ultimately you’re all about the power of love.’’
Couldn’t have put it better myself.