Hannah offered to put me in touch with “the hottest cougars on the prowl”.
Which was nice of her, except that I’m not sure I want to get too close and personal to a wild animal.
Then I discovered a cougar is an American term for a lady seeking an intimate relationship with a man who is at least eight years her junior. I’ll be 74 later this week. I’ll pass.
The message from Hannah was in the spam folder of my email account. This is where all the scams and rubbish are sent to save you from temptation. I had 8,353 spam messages in 30 days in just one of my four email accounts. Mind you, they can be good for a laugh as long as you don’t click the links than can lead to your computer being compromised, identity lost and bank accounts pilfered.
There were the usual scams that purported to be from Yahoo and Paypal and I resisted an offer of strange products from China.
Serena wrote: “Here is the photo you asked for” – which I hadn’t. I didn’t click the link.
Emma Richards offered a free video that would reveal a mind control trick that would enable me to seduce any woman in the world.
“Just click here.” I didn’t. The Lamgold Mining Company told me I had won$150,000. Which was nice but I still didn’t click the link.
I similarly declined the offers from hundreds of residents of Burkina Faso in West Africa offering me millions of US dollars for the use of my bank account: sorry Musa Kabore, Sawadogo Wend, Tony George,Rahman Ali and Rev Father Klen Orji.
I was almost tempted by Mr Humphries only to discover it wasn’t John Inman but another chap from Burkina Faso.
Amidst all these promises and blandishments, the tale of Miss Blandine Kones made an impression. She was 25, single and a first year medical student in Kenya, whose father had been a government minister until his sudden death, and who was now in the clutches of a “wicked uncle and step-mother”.
Pass the tissues.
Yet there was a chance to escape and she had picked me to help.
Me, of all people. Had she seen my picture in the Examiner whilst surfing the Word Wide Web and been influenced by my rugged good looks and innate honesty?
If the plan worked, she would hot foot it to the UK and place herself in my care along with a $7m inheritance that we would share.
An end that promised happiness, wealth and romance (just don’t tell the wife) without the need for cougars or mind control videos.
There was only one small problem. The money was in Burkina Faso.
I didn’t click the link.