Keeping warm... with a soundbite?

Experts always come up with a soundbite suggestion in times of trouble.

Perhaps the most ill-considered was the recent one from an MP who said people who couldn't afford heating bills should wear an extra jumper. Particularly as, at the weekend, it was disclosed that many Honourable Members have their second homes heated at taxpayers expense to the tune of up to a staggering £5,822 a year.

Back in 1976, the year of the droughts, the Government came up with the slogan: Save water, shower with a friend.

If it helps the national emergency, I declared, I was quite happy to do so. Any young lady was welcome. Sadly, I got no takers. Not even the wife.

I would still be amenable to a such an arrangement in these days of global warming and reservoirs that run dry after one hot weekend in August. The difference is that back then I was in prime condition; today I’m a bit like Jonathan Rhys Meyers, the heart-throb star of the new TV drama series Dracula. No, not darkly handsome. More in his desiccated state before he got a blood transfusion.

The latest idea for surviving the current economic crisis is, apparently, to house share. The Office for National Statistics says that the percentage of families and individuals sharing houses has gone up by 39% in the last decade. This takes shower with a friend to a new level. This suggests you invite them home and give them the spare room and who knows where that will lead.

“You’ve got another empty bedroom. I've got a friend who'd be really grateful.”

“Er, okay.”

“Did I mention he’s a drummer in a rock band? By the way, that loft would be just the job for our Elsie. She's blonde and 22. How much trouble could one girl be?”

And then you discover she has a husband and two kids. And a bull terrier.

If you think I’m exaggerating as to the diversity of modern households, a 27-year-old chap called Aidan, who lives in a house near Northampton that is shared by three couples and numerous single people, said: “The living costs are much lower per person, when it comes to food and bills. We also share cars.”

Sounds good. But what if only one person in the house owns a car?

He adds: “The biggest benefit living with friends is there’s no opportunity for loneliness.”

Good grief, that’s not a concept that fits comfortably with me. I like loneliness. I spend my days lonely and undisturbed in my office in front of a computer. How long would that last if it also had bunk beds occupied by two night workers from David Brown's with a flair for flatulence?

House sharing is one suggestion I shall not pursue. Instead, I shall wear an extra jumper and keep my solitude.