SO BY the end of this week we will know the ‘real’ Lance Armstrong story – excuse my cynicism if I say I don’t think so.
I do very much doubt that any of us will learn too much from Armstrong’s much vaunted ‘confessional’ with the queen of American talkshows Oprah Winfrey.
Their interview is due to be screened in the early hours of Friday morning in Britain – if I were you I’d stay in bed and watch the highlights later.
For a start why would a man who has been reportedly quite economical with the truth in the past suddenly become open and expansive?
Winfrey has ‘a past’ when it comes to these things as she interviewed American sprinter Marion Jones on a similar ‘drugs’ issue in 2008 – a chat which reduced the runner to tears three times.
If Lance starts blubbing will we believe him? Or will he have half an onion in his hanky or even have had some Swiss pharmaceutical laboratory concoct some pill that will open your tear ducts when taken?
It took years of persistent work by journalist David Walsh to get at the truth and even then Armstrong was not about to admit to anything.
To my mind the only credible televisual confession Armstrong needs to make would work like this.
The cyclist would be heading towards Paris wearing his yellow jersey out on his own as leader and making an audible evil cackle.
Suddenly a gaudy coloured van with ‘Mystery Machine’ written on it would pull up in front of him and police cars with blaring sirens would cut off his escape behind.
Out of the van would jump journalist Walsh with Fred, Velma, Daphne, Shaggy and Scooby-Doo (with plenty of Scooby Snacks) and Armstrong would be led away snarling: “And I would have got away with it too but for you pesky, meddling, kids!”