MY lack of inches in the inside leg department means that I have impulse bought totally unsuitable items over the years, simply on the basis that it is in my size.

A pea green suit springs to mind, about which one old chum commented when he saw me in it, “Good God, it’s the Jolly Green Giant's illegitimate love child.”

And he was not wrong. I looked totally illegitimate.

My problem is that my inside leg measurement is 28 and a half inches and oh what joy when I discovered that George at ASDA had started selling a 29 inch leg in jeans. I bought a pair and they fitted perfectly, without Maria having to cut and sew or stick bits up on the inside with magic tape that you iron on.

I went back for another pair but these were too long and, when I measured them, although the label said 29 inches, they were 30. I took them back and tried again, with the same result and ended up taking a tape measure with me. All those jeans, in the style I wanted, that were labelled 29 inches, actually measured at least 30 inches and sometimes more.

It’s my fault, I suppose, for having short legs, but then, I was a war baby. If I had been born a decade later with better food and two ex soldiers to pull at both ends, I could have ended up being three inches taller and having a more normal 32 inch inside leg.

But what is normal? And does your inside leg matter?

Ask Men is a website which is described as a men’s lifestyle portal, which makes it sound like something you step through to another dimension. Some of its ideas seem to have come from a parallel universe, too, because they say women don’t judge men by their height.

Women first look for intelligence, ambition, kindness, wit, style, confidence and good looks.

They may look for all those but I believe that height governs natural selection. I mean, I once had a girl friend who was 5ft 10in and while she admired my wit and intelligence romance began to pall every time I had to find a wall to stand on to kiss her goodnight.

Mind you, lack of height doesn’t equate with lack of success. Plenty of chaps who fall into the short clothing category (5ft 4in to 5ft 7in) have done all right for themselves: Tom Cruise, Nicolas Sarkozy, Jamie Callum, Prince and either Ant or Dec (I can’t tell them apart).

And I’ll have you know that one scientist believes short legs helps blokes fight. They were a feature of the australopiths, who were our human ancestors two million years ago.

Professor David Carrier says, “With short legs, your centre of mass is closer to the ground. It’s going to make you more stable so that you can’t be knocked off your feet as easily. And with short legs, you have greater leverage as you grapple with your opponent.”

So watch it.

However, all this science doesn’t help when you are looking for a good fit for your inside leg. I have marched through life permanently searching for trousers that do not have to be altered. At last, I thought, I had found some but then even George goes and lets me down.

So I decided to stand up (I’m over here) for all chaps afflicted with short legs and I sent an email to ASDA. I have had an acknowledgement from a very nice lady who says my comments have been passed on to George. I await his reply with interest.

Watch this space (I’m still over here).