I HAD been considering belly dancing to exercise my bad back. This is, apparently, the latest home treatment.

The dance, it is said, focuses on strengthening and toning the abdomen, pelvis and lumbar spine.

Some wit suggested I could learn at a naval academy and move in hip circles. But where could I obtain the necessary outfit?

Maura is an expert belly dancer and I wondered, in this column, whether I could borrow the kit from her. Sadly not.

Her husband Alan told me, “Maura said she can lend you finger cymbals and as many veils as you like, but she hasn’t got a skirt short enough.”

Ah well, it's back to the sofa for a lie-down, instead.

PS: Do you know the difference between a belly dancer and an incompetent pastry chef? One shakes body parts, and the other bakes shoddy tarts.