THE Irish have the lowest stress rate because they do not take medical terminology seriously, an Irish friend tells me.

And he has sent me this alternative medical dictionary as proof.

Artery – the study of paintings; bacteria – back door to cafeteria; benign – what you be, after you be eight; cauterise – made eye contact with her; dilate – to live long; enema – not a friend; fester – quicker than someone else; fibula – small lie; impotent – distinguished, well known; nitrates – rates of pay for working at night; post operative – a letter carrier; rectum – nearly killed him; tumour – one plus one more; urine – opposite of you’re out.