WELL, I’m still waiting for that big bang.

The closest I got was when I asked Maria to guide me into a parking space.

“Just watch when I reverse,” I said. “I don’t want to hit that wall behind us.”

So out of the car she got and stood there and said: “You’ve got about three feet.”

Great, I thought and began reversing, only for her to scream “Stop!”

“You said I had three feet.”

“Well you know you can’t believe me when I’m judging distances.”

However, we all have to believe the scientists who have judged that the Large Hadron Collider that stretches for 17 miles beneath the Swiss Alps is safe.

They are trying to re-create the Big Bang that started the universe 14bn years ago by bouncing high-energy proton particles off each other.

And no, I don’t know what that means either.

The LHC was switched on last week but the first particle collisions are not due until Sunday.

There are those who say there is a danger that one of the mini black holes that are formed may grow and swallow the planet. Which led Maria saying last week, “I don’t want them to do this. How do I stop it?”

Many people have thought the same. Unfortunately, they can’t stop it.

Scientific progress will march on.

Beside, the European Organisation for Nuclear Research says there is “no conceivable danger”.

But what about an inconceivable danger? One we won’t know about until we start banging particles like marbles and some scientist says, “Whoops! I didn’t think that would happen.”

Of course, it won’t. The greatest minds of the generation – including Professor Stephen Hawking – have said it is perfectly safe.

So what will they discover really happened 14 billion years ago in that split second of creation?

Wouldn’t it be funny if they caught a glimpse of God saying, “Right. That’s done. Now, what day is it? Sunday? Time for a rest.”