MICHAEL Mack runs a restaurant in Germany that has no waiters.

The tables are fitted with touch-screen computers. A customer views the menu and sends his order direct to the kitchen. If he has any special requirement, he can send an email or text message to the chef. The meals are then delivered to the table by an automated rail system.

Not surprisingly, the novelty of the restaurant has assured its success.

And maybe not just the novelty.

I’m sure we’ve all been in a restaurant at the mercy of a bad or snooty waiter at one time or another.

Waiter! Your thumb’s in my soup.

Don’t worry, sir. It’s not hot.

Waiter, what is this stuff?

That’s bean salad sir.

I know what it’s been, but what is it now?

Of course, I never used to have the nerve to make witty rejoinders. One, I always thought the waiter knew more about the food or wine he was serving than I did.

And two, if I did try to be a Clever Dick, he could always take his revenge in the kitchen before he served the meal.

Waiters no longer intimidate me. It’s probably my age and because I don’t give a fig. Not that I dine out that much, anyway.

But a restaurant without waiters at all? That sounds ideal to me.

And if you have to wait for your food, who cares? Just press the touch screen and order another beer.