THE ‘Omnipom’ of Marsh found a guinea pig in her garden. She advertised in the paper for the owner. Later I asked what had happened. She said the owners had claimed it. I asked where it had come from? She said. "Skelmanthorpe".
I said, " Skelmanthorpe’s miles away. How did it get here. Had it a bus pass?"
" Don’t be silly" she said. "But what was strange when it left Skelmanthorpe it was ginger and when it got here it was black and white."
"Perhaps it was caused by stress from the journey or it could be it wasn’t their guinea pig?".
" Perhaps, I let them have it anyway"
WINDOW CLEANER WANTED
A friend of mine lives in Berry Brow. One day she saw a man outside holding a chamois leather and a squeezy bottle.
She went out and asked him how much it would be to clean her windows. "Five pounds" he said. " For each window?" she asked. " No", he said , "For the lot".
Money changed hands. Five pounds is really cheap so much so she told him her neighbour needed a window cleaner.
Apparently the neighbour also took up his offer to return next day to do the job. He didn’t. I asked her why she didn’t think it was peculiar that he hadn’t a ladder a bucket or a van ?
He was just walking around with a chamois and a squeezy bottle. She was so angry with herself.
So if you want to earn some easy money just walk round with a chamois and apparently according to ’Dirty Windows Berry Brow’ women will rush out and give you money.
I heard a policeman on the television saying to contact them you must use ‘The three nine system’.
Why couldn’t he have just said "Ring 999". They seem to want to avoid plain speech.
"At this moment in time" what’s wrong with "Now".
