The writer Neil Lyndon recently wondered out loud why a man at his local leisure centre was so enraged at him shaving in a communal shower.
He deliberately avoided eye contact with the angry man so as not to afford him the satisfaction of a public put down.
A gentleman certainly would not dream of shaving in a communal shower. It is a private act best carried out with the best razors money can buy, hot towels and a silver-handled badger shaving brush.
I can still remember blushing bright red with embarrassment when the cleaning lady at Swansea University caught me in the act in our male-only bathroom. Never again.
The memories came flooding back with the news that Debrett’s, the ultimate authority on British manners, has published for the first time the questions they are most frequently asked by the public.
Those worries were not the old ones such as which fork to use for asparagus or how to address an Earl. Instead the most popular questions asked of Debrett’s have a modern flavour and revolve around E-cigarettes, mobile phones and aeroplane seats.
The top questions on manners were: When is it rude to use your mobile phone? Can you smoke e-cigarettes at work? How do you kiss someone socially? Can you eat and do your make-up on public transport?
Can you recline your seat on aeroplanes? When should you give your seat up on public transport? Can you eat before everyone has been served?
The basic gist of advice on manners is to minimise embarrassment and discomfort for others. So, don’t do something which carries the risk of upsetting someone else. In short – if in doubt leave it out.
Mobile phones are so ubiquitous nowadays that they are bound to give offence almost endlessly. My biggest bugbear is people taking them on a night out and continually fishing them out for surreptitious glances to see if anyone has messaged them.
Smoking e-cigarettes at work is generally banned as far as I’m aware and many pubs rightly only allow their use outside. Generally, eating in public should be discouraged though only the most zealous etiquette bores would dream of preventing someone eating an ice-cream on a sun-kissed street.
As for kissing people socially it depends on how well you know the person. Some women would find being kissed on first meeting overfamiliar so use your discretion. Giving up one’s seat on public transport is an issue that has to be handled with care.
I have read aggrieved accounts by heavily pregnant women of unfeeling, brutish men sitting down without a care in the world while they can barely summon the strength to stand up.
On the other hand men can be accused of ‘benevolent sexism’ for gestures as kind as giving up your seat or handing a woman your umbrella in the pouring rain. You can’t win sometimes, guys.
Aeroplane seat etiquette has been in the news of late with the hilarious tale of a man getting a glassful of water thrown over him by an outraged woman who found he had attached a special device to his chair to prevent her reclining. My kind of girl. He got his just desserts.
Eating before everyone has been served is not normally done though there are exceptional circumstances when it may be justified. Margaret Thatcher was understandably piqued when President Giscard d’Estaing was served before her at an official banquet. But that’s the French for you.
