As Premier league finales go, the end of the 2014-15 campaign had to be one of the poorest on record.

Chelsea had wrapped up the title ages ago and once Moussa Sissoko had netted on 54 minutes for Newcastle United the relegation ‘drama’ was all but done and dusted.

However, as if by magic, the lack of tension was supplanted by some strangely unpredictable happenings.

Firstly, St James’ Park served up an unexpected sacking.

Had the Magpies been going down John Carver could have been expecting to be shown the door almost instantly.

Instead it was West Ham’s Sam Allardyce who was heading for the exit.

The 2-0 defeat at Newcastle probably had little to do with it, but it was amusing that the Hammers fans’ chant of “You’re getting sacked in the morning” from the Leazes End proved to be totally inaccurate, as Allardyce was on his way out of the Upton Park club before he even got to the after-match press conference.

Secondly, the ‘England legend bowing out in style award’ did not go as expected to Steven Gerrard.

Having had to endure the ignominy of being beaten on his Anfield farewell by Crystal Palace, you would have thought the footballing gods might have smiled on Stevie G as Liverpool went to Stoke City on the final day.

However, somebody up there has decided Gerrard wasn’t going to get the full ‘Roy Of The Rovers’ send off and the Potters duly handed out an unexpected humiliation by 6-1 – even Gerrard scoring the Reds goal didn’t help lighten the situation much.

So instead of last-day adulation, California-bound Gerrard’s wonderful contribution to English football ended more on the note of ‘Roy Of The Rubbish’, while his manager Brendan Rodgers was left to admit that dragging a team who were runners-up last season almost out of the automatic qualification spots for the Europa League was perhaps far from ideal.

The ‘England legend bowing out in style award’ was instead won by ‘Funtime Frank’ Lampard.

Had Lamps taken his leave last season and joined New York City I would not have batted an eyelid, but the fact is that in one season he has become a minor Manchester City legend.

To notch his 177th Premier League goal as a 2-0 win saw the Blue Moon sign off the season with six consecutive victories made a disappointing season somehow feel, in an odd sort of way, perfectly okay.

However, to return to Newcastle, easily the most surreal pronouncement came from club owner Mike Ashley.

Possibly in the hope of engendering some stability, but probably more in just wanting to irritate his own supporters even more, Ashley declared that he would not sell the Magpies until they had won a trophy or qualified for the European Champions League.

Given that Newcastle are still seeking a first trophy since the Fairs Cup success in 1968-69, my instant reaction was to hit the Google button to see if Ashley had kids or indeed grandchildren – or the potential for them.

Then it struck me that he might be in for an under-the-radar bid to bring back the Anglo-Italian Cup.

Then I realised he might be factoring winning the Championship play-off trophy in two years time, though for unhappy Magpies fans that would still mean another two years of Ashley at the helm.

All the same Newcastle United will spend another season in the Premier League and Hull City will be heading for Huddersfield sometime next season in the Championship.

If the surreal continues to hold sway and club owner Assem Allam gets his way over naming rights, then Town could face the most toothless and endangered Tigers anyone has witnessed in history.

Here’s hoping that the end of the week throws up a pleasant surprise.

FIFA’s annual congress started yesterday with the election of the president to take place Friday.

Sadly in some reports it has already been referred to as a re-election as Sepp Blatter seems confident of staying the course.

In fact the 79-year-old said of himself: “I am a mountain goat that keeps going and going.”

In the battle to knock this particular mountain goat off its ledge there have been a number of casualties.

Blatter faced a flurry of challengers at the start of the election process, but the candidacy of David Ginola proved to be a joke – ‘eet wurzant eevan wurse eeet’ as they would say in Allo Allo!

The challenges of the Dutch FA president Michael van Praag and former Portugal international Luís Figo both failed to gain enough support, and both men pulled out last week with their supporters reportedly gravitating toward Prince Ali Bin al-Hussein.

Prince Ali is now the only alternative to Blatter, who is seeking a fifth four-year term in office despite saying this term would be his last when elected in 2011.

There is a chance for Prince Ali as he has some influential supporters – not least UEFA’s president Michel Platini.

However, Blatter may have already caused serious damage from an England fans point of view, even if he is eased out on Friday.

The Swiss is championing a move by which a continent that has hosted the World Cup should be barred from bidding to host for the next two competitions – which would mean that the earliest David Baddiel and Frank Skinner’s Three Lions could be heard trumpeting ‘Football’s Coming Home’ would be 2030.