It is that dreary time of the year when awards are handed out to footballers who hardly need their egos massaging.

So on the basis of putting some fun back into the process, can I suggest that fans come up with their own awards categories to cheer themselves up at the end of a long season.

My offering on this front is the Premier League Managers Seven Dwarves Awards.

Firstly, I have to appoint a Snow White and hand this honour to Cardiff City’s Ole Gunnar Solskjaer, initially because he may not be involved in the Premier League for much longer and I need to take this chance to include him, but mainly because he is the fairest of them all due to being the only top flight boss who has probably never had to shave.

The first of his little helpers has to be ‘Angry’, also known as Newcastle United’s Alan Pardew, who has taken the art of unexpected outbursts of bad temper and aggressive behaviour to a new level this season – and that is not just the view of Hull City’s David Meyler.

Next up is ‘Tetchy’, aka ‘Big’ Sam Allardyce, who has become increasingly irked by the fact West Ham United fans seem to think they have some God-given right to watch entertaining football just because Bobby Moore and Trevor Brooking once played for their club – and obviously being branded fat by those fans doesn’t help his mood either.

Liverpool’s Brendan Rodgers takes the role of ‘Humble’, a rapidly blossoming dwarf who has insisted on spelling out the virtues of being respectful, having good team values and nurturing the right work ethic so often that for a genuinely nice man he is becoming a genuine pain in the neck.

The brains of the outfit has to be ‘Genius’, which is the name I bestow on Tony Pulis for turning a ramshackle bunch of under-achievers into a team deserving of their Premier League place – just whether he can actually achieve the same next season at Crystal Palace is perhaps the biggest question he must now answer.

The next manager dubbed himself ‘Happy’ when he returned to English football, but it is hard to perceive Chelsea’s Jose Mourinho as anything but ‘Sulky’.

The longer the season has gone on the longer his face has got as he has blamed everyone from opposition players, his own players, the referees and the game’s administrators for making him endure a dreadful campaign which sees his team challenging for the Premier League title and sitting in the position tonight of having a great chance of reaching the Champions League final – I really don’t know how he puts up with it!

At Old Trafford resides ‘Hopeful’ as Ryan Giggs prays that in four games he can do enough to keep the Manchester United manager’s role.

It was all well and good watching him strut up and down the touchline in his smart suit as the Red Devils saw off the shambles that is Norwich City, but I have to ask does this man have a conflict of interests?

How can he possibly manage one Salford club in United and own another in Salford City – at the very least it is plain greedy.

And does anyone know if there are any United anoraks who are now splitting their time between following United, FC United of Manchester and Salford City – and if there is anyone answering this description will they ever be see their own house next season?

My offering for the final member of this septet is a touch fanciful, but given that he has spent the whole season having his comments voiced by a translator with rather deep macho tones I would like to see Southampton’s Mauricio Pochettino actually do an interview in English in his own voice.

I imagine that he will sound like Joe Pasquale on helium and therefore I name him ‘Squeaky’.

Sadly experience tells me I will be disappointed.

For years I hoped that Gerry Adams would have a similarly high-pitched cartoonesque delivery when he was eventually allowed to talk to the media – what a let down that was!

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